Have you ever gone a single day without complaining?
Okay, I’ll own up. I’m constantly complaining. I know…we all complain. But there are days that I just feel myself being sucked into a rabbit hole—sometimes I just complain in support of friend’s complaints. Either way, it’s all negative energy that I do not need in my life. As Charlie’s role model, I would like to set a good example. I certainly would hate for ‘complaining’ to become one of her learned behaviours. Coincidentally, my (totally amazing) Mother-in-Law sent me this quote by Robert Fulghum, and boy was it a truth bomb! “Don’t worry that children don’t listen to you; worry that they are watching you.” This is now firmly in the memory bank to be accessed whenever I feel myself about to say or do something I would hate for Charlie to mimic.
Case in point:
“Why do I have to read about politics in my studies? It’s so stupid!” I groaned loudly slamming my textbook down. Then like a ninja Charlie appeared and parroted, “Sssstoopid.” (Shame, Shame!) On the one hand, I perfectly demonstrated the point of the quote above; on the other hand, I also displayed a negative attitude toward learning. Not to mention, a rather pessimistic outlook. What was the point? Complaining about the content didn’t change the fact I still had to read (and write) about it. Needless to say, if one complains endlessly, the action is then normalised and the child accepts this behaviour as an example to follow. Consequently, when the child begins to complain the adult will most likely respond negatively. What does this mean for their development? Well, the interactions they have with those around them will shape the way they view themselves. The child’s self-concept is developed through the relationships fostered during the early childhood years—modifying it as they gain approval or disapproval from those around them.
As a parent, one of my (million) parenting goals is to ensure that Charlie grows up being resilient. Resilience provides young children with the effective emotional tools to overcome challenges during the course of their life, which enables them to persevere despite any difficulties they may encounter (“Thanks, Captain Obvious!” Bear with me, there is a point.)
What is the easiest, most obvious way to help children develop resilience?
Let’s turn to Mahatma Gandhi, “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change.” What does that mean? That means you should always model the behaviour you wish your child to repeat. (Cue Epiphanius music.)
So, here comes the point…
I’m not saying that parents should never let their child see them complain (We’re only human, after all.). What I am saying is that parents should employ that frustration to problem-solve. In doing so, even if you’re feeling pretty crummy, you’re actively demonstrating resilience and modelling a positive disposition. So, in hindsight, I should have said, “I really dislike politics, but I understand that it’s necessary and reading this information will enable me to form an educated opinion.” (Hindsight is a wonderful thing, amirite?)
So, what does this have to do with me hurting myself intentionally with an elastic band?
My husband came home last week, he had been listening to one of his many podcasts and he suggested we try the 21-Day No-Complaint Challenge. Essentially, you have to wear an elastic band around your wrist and go without a single complaint for 21 days. Consecutively. It’s all about metacognition and conditioning yourself to recognise when you’re being negative. What happens if you forget and complain? Place the elastic band on your other wrist and start over. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong. I started on Tuesday and failed three times before 10:30 am. Then I thought, No worries, Wednesday will be Day 1. Wrong again. So, here I am it’s 6:30 am on Thursday, 25th of May, 2017 and I pledge to go without complaining for 21 days…(I will not give up, even if it takes me months and months, because RESILIENCE!)
How about you, are you up for the challenge?